I've found that when I'm at contra dances I have to go chasing desirable partners-- I usually get a partner by bouncing up to him and asking to dance in a very enthusiastic manner. (I do this to men at SCA dances too.) Before I had the nerve to do that to people, I often wound up asked last, or asked by people who vibed as creepy. And I'm biologically female and very definitely present as such, so it might not just be your gender presentation. (Though that being part of it wouldn't surprise me much, for all the reasons you've described.)